❄️Once In a Lifetime, Water Flowing Underground🧊
Hey! I'm not saying I've refreshed the login screen seventeen times in the last four minutes, but I'm also not not saying that. You know what I mean? Like when Sabrina Carpenter drops a surprise single at midnight, and Spotify crashes? Except this is worse. So much worse.
Because Roblox is DOWN, my friends. Or is it? Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm the problem. Maybe I'm the drama. But probably not because I checked Twitter—sorry, I meant X—and everyone's losing their absolute minds! Someone compared it to the great PlayStation Network outage of 2011. Someone else said it's like when Ticketmaster crashed during the Eras Tour presale. Both valid references. Both were deeply traumatic.
Here's the thing about being an adult who plays Roblox: you don't tell people. It's like admitting you still know all the words to What Makes You Beautiful. We carry these secrets. We build our little blocky empires in silence. And then one day the servers go down, and you realize you've been playing Adopt Me for three hours every night, and what even is your life?
I tried explaining this to my imaginary cat. She was unimpressed. Judgmental, even. But she doesn't understand. She's never experienced the raw euphoria of finally affording a limited-edition accessory. She's never known the crushing defeat of server disconnection mid-game. She's never felt alive the way you feel alive when you're racing through an obby at 2 AM with a Monster Energy in one hand and poor life choices in the other.
Is it the WiFi? I've rebooted the router twice. My adult daughter asked what I was doing, and I said, "work stuff," which is technically a lie, but also who hasn't lied about their gaming habits? You think Olivia Rodrigo doesn't occasionally tell people she's, "in a meeting," when she's really on level 847 of something deeply embarrassing? We're all human.
The error messages are getting creative now. "Unable to connect." "Please try again later." LATER? Do you think I have later? Do you think I'm a person with patience and healthy coping mechanisms? I'm an adult who organized their evening around a blocky metaverse. I'm Chappell Roan at the VMA afterparty level of chaos right now!
Maybe this is a sign. Maybe the universe is telling me to go outside. Touch grass. Experience three-dimensional reality. But also maybe not? Maybe the servers will be back up in five minutes and this will all have been a beautiful nightmare. A pop punk breakdown. A reputation era.
I'm checking my phone again. Still down. This is my Joker origin story.
Refresh.
Refresh.
Refresh.
