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How to Start a Shouting Match With the Teens in Your Life (The Drake vs. Kendrick Survival Guide)

So apparently, Drake tried to sue Kendrick Lamar over Not Like Us, and the court just tossed it out like yesterday’s fries. Which means two things: (1) rap beefs are now officially part of the American justice system, and (2) it’s Homecoming Weekend, so someone’s teenager is about to yell at you for having the wrong opinion about it.

Let’s be honest: none of us are actually qualified to have opinions about Drake or Kendrick Lamar. We just remember when Hotline Bling came out and think it’s still kind of new. Meanwhile, teenagers are dissecting diss lyrics like they’re Shakespearean sonnets. “Mom, you don’t get it—‘the Boogeyman’ line means something.” And you’re standing there holding a pumpkin spice latte thinking, I thought we were talking about music?

Here’s a quick guide to surviving this generational shouting match:

Step One: Pretend you’re neutral.

Say something like, “They’re both very talented artists with unique perspectives.” This will immediately make everyone in the room suspicious of you. Teenagers can smell fake neutrality the way dogs smell fear. They’ll hit you with, “So you’re on Drake’s side, then?” and congratulations, you’ve already lost.

Step Two: Ask questions you don’t understand.

Try something like, “Didn’t Kendrick already win a Pulitzer? Why does he care what Drake thinks?” This will cause the teen to pace, gesticulate, and use phrases like “artistic integrity” and “industry plants.” You’ll learn nothing, but you’ll earn points for effort.

Step Three: Compare it to something from your youth.

Say, “It’s giving Tupac vs. Biggie energy,” and watch their faces contort in historical horror. You’ve just compared a streaming-era feud to a literal 90s tragedy, and somehow you’re the villain.

Step Four: Lose gracefully.

Because here’s the truth — this isn’t really about Drake or Kendrick. It’s about the eternal right of young people to be right. To know more. To care harder. To find meaning in a verse the way we once found it in mixtapes, magazines, or movie soundtracks.

We had our debates too, just with different soundtracks. Remember arguing about whether Alanis Morissette was actually rock? Or if Taylor Swift’s Red was country or pop? Every generation has its version of this argument — a cultural checkpoint to remind us how far out of touch we’ve become.

So when your teen is waving their phone in your face to prove that Kendrick destroyed Drake forever; don’t fight it. Nod thoughtfully. Ask if they’ve done their homework. And then secretly go listen to Not Like Us just to see what all the fuss is about.

Because the real embarrassment isn’t that we don’t understand the music. It’s that we’re trying to win an argument that was never ours to begin with.

Homecoming season is for shouting, sure — but maybe this year, let the kids take the mic. We’ll be in the back, humming along, pretending we get it.